The Wedding Speech I Don’t Remember

Many, many years ago, I was maid of honor for my best friend’s wedding.

I’d never been the maid of honor before, and I think it took some time for it to sink in that I would have to give a speech at the wedding. Public speaking and I are enemies. In college, I took an entire year of French to meet my public speaking requirement instead of one semester of speech.

However, I couldn’t get out of the obligation at the wedding. I mean how does one say, “Pass” to their best friend on their most important day?

The entire day leading up to the speech, I was a nervous wreck.

The event took place on a vineyard, and before the late afternoon ceremony, the wedding party had a wine tasting. I’m not much of a drinker, so I only took tiny sips to avoid getting plastered and doing something horrendous like puking during the vows.

For the most part, I succeeded in not getting tipsy.

After the vows were exchanged, we sat down for dinner, and I realized I’d been signed up for a vegetarian meal. At the time, I didn’t eat much meat, but here’s the kicker. I hate veggies. My idea of a vegetarian diet consists of beans, rice, and cheese.

The caterer had prepared a gorgeous tower of colorful vegetables that was too pretty to eat. Since I hated nearly everything else on my plate, I didn’t touch it.

When I’m nervous, my throat gets dry. The only drink on the table was wine. I mean, we were on a vineyard, so this shouldn’t have been a surprise. I started drinking my wine on a completely empty stomach. The staff kept filling my glass. I continued sipping it so I could eventually speak when my time came.

The speeches started, and I noticed something that had never entered my head. Everyone had a prepared speech written out, and they read from a paper.

I hadn’t prepared at all. Remember, I never took public speaking 101.

And, I was now drunk.

It was finally my turn, and I remember standing to speak. That’s pretty much the only thing I can recall, aside from my knees knocking together.

After I spoke, I returned to my seat and downed another glass of wine.

The follow morning, I woke on the vineyard, and the entire wedding party planned to hit up some other vineyards in the area before we all scattered to our flights back home.

I was nervous to go to breakfast because I thought I’d flubbed my speech. I winged it when others had probably struggled for days finding the right words.

Not so confidently, I entered the dining area, and the mother of the bride told me how nice my speech was. I’d known her for years, and I chalked it up to her being kind. But, as the day progressed, everyone confided in me that I had given the best speech.

When we sat down on the plane, I turned to my partner and said, “What exactly did I say in my speech?”

“I can’t remember, but it made me cry.”

I still don’t know what I said, but I’m counting it as a win. It was also the last time I was maid of honor. I can’t handle the pressure.

About TBM

TB Markinson is an American who's recently returned to the US after a seven-year stint in the UK and Ireland. When she isn't writing, she's traveling the world, watching sports on the telly, visiting pubs in New England, or reading. Not necessarily in that order. Her novels have hit Amazon bestseller lists for lesbian fiction and lesbian romance. She cohosts the Lesbians Who Write Podcast ( with Clare Lydon. TB also runs I Heart Lesfic (, a place for authors and fans of lesfic to come together to celebrate lesbian fiction.
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